What do you want?

What do you really want?

(When I ask those words I always hear the Spice Girls singing – which I think is probably the perfect juxtaposition between something very deep and profound and something very light-hearted and trivial).

I believe asking the question “what do I truly want” is one of the deepest and most profound questions we can ask.  However I hadn’t really appreciated until yesterday just how important this is – when I was first talking about this with a friend, and then reading a post my mentor wrote which echoed exactly what we were talking about.

You see I have reached a point in my life where I always make choices based on what my heart and soul desire.  I no longer make choices based on what I “should” do or what is “expected” of me.

I choose based on what serves both me, and those around me, at the highest level.

For example choosing to take my son out of mainstream school in favour of home-schooling – 12 months before he was due to take his GCSE’s was actually a very easy decision.  School for him was hell and by making him stay for “just another year” I was actually teaching him (through my actions) that life is about “getting through things” – something I had spent years unpicking and healing.

Why would I then instil such a damaging pattern into my son?  Forcing him to continue with something that was hell for him because it was “expected”?

It was the antithesis of what I taught my clients.

And so from that place the decision to home-school was a no-brainer.

However until yesterday, I assumed everyone else lived life like me – that they too made choices based on their heart’s desires, rather than what was expected or what they believed was the “right” thing to do.

And I remembered back to 6 years ago travelling by train to London for a VIP day with my mentor at the time – and staying at a friends the night before.  My mentor had given me the assignment to make choices based on what I wanted – not what was expected.  So when my friend asked whether I wanted to get a takeaway and eat in or go out for dinner I had to choose.   My stock answer of “I don’t mind or what would you prefer?” was not permitted!

And initially I didn’t know what I wanted – I truly would have been happy with either.

So I went through all the pros and cons, take-out would be cheaper, it was probably easier – yes that was the “best” option.

And then I felt into my heart.

And my heart was very clear – I wanted to go out for dinner and have a wonderful experience in a beautiful restaurant – which is what we did.

And that was the beginning:   Heeding the whispers of my heart.

But because that is now second nature, I’d forgotten just how far I’d come in the past 6 years.

I hadn’t appreciated that it’s taken me many years to get to a place where I choose based on my heart’s highest calling instead of what’s the “right thing to do”, “what’s expected of me”.

And to know and trust that it IS from my highest calling rather than a selfish whim (and that’s a whole other conversation).

And I think we often forget how far we’ve come.  We tend to focus on where we’re headed rather than the extraordinary journey we’ve had so far.

And so today as we near the end of 2017 I invite you to take some moments to reflect back on just how far you’ve come.

How much you’ve grown…

How many magical and beautiful moments you’ve experienced over the past year …

And as you reflect on the magic of 2017 there may be thoughts which come up that cause you pain -perhaps goals or intentions you set and didn’t “achieve”.  But instead of berating yourself dig a little deeper – ask yourself whether it was something you truly wanted?  Was it your heart and soul calling you?  Or was it something you felt obligated to accomplish because it’s what’s expected?  Monetary goals will often fall into this category.

If it truly IS something your heart and soul crave – then look at why you want it – what will it give you?  What is the feeling you’re craving from achieving this goal?  Don’t look at what you will do differently – at least not at this point – just get to the heart of what’s underneath what you want –because this is where True Freedom resides.