A New Directionone way, or another

If you read my earlier blog posts, you’ll know that several weeks ago I announced that my business was moving in a new direction – that I’d decided to drop all my online programmes and move away from teaching people how to get more clients and make more money in their business.

It was a dramatic thing to do –and had many people wondering where I was headed and what I was up to.

Looking back I can see I was “throwing down the gauntlet”, announcing my intention to the world and the energy behind it was “this is it, let the battle begin”.

Of course I was aware of none of that at the time.

I just knew I could no longer continue with what I had been doing for the last 11 years.

I promised to let you know the new direction my business was taking.

But here we are nearly at the end of January and …. nothing.

Every day an internal battle raged in my head which sounded a bit like this:

“you must write a blog post to tell people where you’re headed”

Followed by:

“but I don’t know what to say, I’m not ready yet”

On and on it went….

Until I got clear on what’s so.

The truth is I’ll never be ready. And more often than not I never know what I’m going to say – until I say it.

But what I’ve also come to realise is that until I lay my stake in the ground, I have a completely blank canvas – I could go in any direction – which feels very exciting.

But as soon as I try to drill down and get specific I contract – my whole body goes “ugh”. I feel squished and limited.

And as I’ve been digging deeper I can see that the “ugh” is masking a deep, deep fear of making a mistake and getting it wrong.

In the past I would have pushed through – “feeling the fear and doing it anyway”.

But a lifetime of working so very hard trying to “get it right” had left me depleted and burnt out – to the point where I’d pretty much cocooned myself from the outside world – only connecting with my support network, and close friends who “got me” – and were neither going to judge me, nor coach me.

I didn’t dare share what I was really feeling and experiencing to anyone else because “I shouldn’t be feeling like this”.

I have an amazing life, I’m fit and healthy, I have time to myself, I live in a beautiful home, have a wonderful husband, gorgeous children, fantastic friends and a great business.

There was no reason for me to feel anything other than happy and content.

No reason at all for my inner world to have felt like a living hell.

But it did.

And I’d been waiting until I “felt better” before I wrote to you. So I could say:

“Great, I’m sorted now”, I’ve popped out the other end, I’ve figured it all out and now I can help you too.”

But truth is, I’m not going to suddenly “figure it out”, I’m on an ongoing journey, a journey of daily insights and ahas.

And where I’ve had the biggest impact is when I open up and share everything – the good, the bad and the ugly.

Because that’s what makes it real.

You see we all have expectations and pictures about how life should be – how business should be.

And when reality doesn’t match those pictures, we beat ourselves up – we feel “wrong”, “stupid”, “not good enough”, “unworthy” ….

And we keep trying to change our external world in order to feel better about ourselves.

…. when my business is making x, then everything will be ok

…. when I hire an assistant then I’ll take time off

…. when <prospective client> says yes, then I’ll buy that new …

What we are really saying is when everything outside of me is just the way I want it then I’ll be happy and content.

And for the past few weeks what my actions have been saying is “when the negative voices in my head shut up – then I can get on and start marketing my new business”.

As I’m writing I’m laughing – laughing at the nonsense of it all.

But it didn’t feel like nonsense as I’ve been going through it – it felt very real, and I was terrified I might end up stuck there forever.

Instead of having compassion for the massive strides I was taking, I was beating myself up – for not going fast enough. “Come on, Melina you’ve been doing this for long enough – you should have figured it out by now.”

But life isn’t about figuring it out – it’s about experiencing – about feeling.

Feeling the ups and the downs.

Feeling the highs and the lows.

The higher the ups, the lower the downs.

It’s what makes us human.

And it’s only when we can fully experience life, going through the ups and downs without judgement – not wanting to change ourselves or our circumstances – will we ever be feel free.

And that’s the direction my business is headed – to facilitate the deep transformation required so you feel totally free and at peace – regardless of what’s happening in the outside world.

On one level it’s totally awesome because you don’t need to “do” anything – there are no strategies, there’s nothing to change or fix.

An on another level it’s the hardest, most challenging journey in the world – aswell as the most rewarding.

So if you’re game and want to dip your toe in the water, stay tuned as I share more and more over the coming weeks and months.

And if it’s not your thing in my next one or two emails I will be sending you some resources to help you get more clients – I know that’s what you came to for originally and I want to honour that.

Much love,

 

Melina