A few years ago I was at an event totally enthralled by one of the speakers.
She was amazing – the whole audience loved her. She was an expert in her field, authentic and spoke with such integrity – everyone wanted to learn from her. I was in awe of who she was and what she’d accomplished.
But as she walked off the stage I watched her face. I saw her doubts and fears:
Was what she said good enough?
Did people like it?
What did they think of her?
Here was a woman who had “made it” and was living her dream.
Yet still I saw a vulnerable young girl – desperately wanting love and acknowledgement – seeking reassurance that she had done a good job.
In that moment I realised that for most people no matter what they achieve, what they accomplish, how successful they are, their patterns still play out resulting in inner turmoil.
We assume that because someone is outwardly successful and “living their dream” that they are happy and at peace.
Yet we only see what’s on the outside – we never know what is going on for them on the inside.
In recent years many famous people have died at a young age – stars, people who have had a big impact in their chosen field. They were an inspiration to their followers and their loss was deeply felt.
And I’d love to know what life was really like for them. Did they die happy and contented knowing they had fulfilled their mission in life?
Or did they look back with regrets, wishing they’d done some things differently.
It’s common to go through life portraying a certain persona to the world.
Sharing things we think people want to hear.
Hiding parts of ourselves for fear people won’t like us for some of our quirky ways.
Afraid of shining too bright.
Trying not to fall into the trap of comparison-itus (yet still we do.)
Assuming that people who are successful are fulfilled and happy.
But in truth we rarely know how someone actually feels.
We only ever see the parts people share, “the highlight reel” as it was once described to me.
We don’t actually know what goes on behind closed doors.
Several years ago I was in awe of one particular guru, what she’d accomplished, what she’d achieved. I wanted what she had and became rather self-pitying with thoughts of “why not me?”
Until my husband said:
“To have what she has you’d have to have her life – all of it, not just the successful bits.”
And it hit me – there were parts of her life I definitely didn’t want.
Areas where I knew she was not at peace and feeling fulfilled
Areas where, behind closed doors, it definitely wasn’t all “love and light”.
You see, we humans have a tendency to want all the good things but none of the yucky stuff (it’s natural – we’re human).
And every single one of us can big up our life and make it sound exciting, interesting and that we’re doing great things – and gloss over all the challenges and frustrations (unless they make us look good).
Or we can dumb it down focussing on our challenges, where things are not right, highlighting the areas that are lacking.
And we probably do both depending on the environment we find ourselves in.
I’ve definitely done both.
And the important thing I really want to share here is this:
Just because the grass looks greener over there – doesn’t mean it is.
And if we stop looking around us – feeling frustrated and disappointed because we’re not yet where we want to be – and instead tend our own grass, we nurture and feed it so it grows lush, thick and green.
Then our lives will shift and we will experience more of the feelings we actually want.
So what can you do today to nurture your own grass?
I’d love to hear what it is – so please do let me know in the comments.