As we grow up we take on board the beliefs of those around us. Many things we believe to be true are lies and illusions. They play out in business in the form of repeating patterns and stop us from experiencing the success and fulfilment we crave.
There are five key myths:
- When ….. then
- There’s a Gap
- There’s a “Missing Piece”
- There’s a “right” way and a “wrong” way
- There are “positive” and “negative” emotions
I talk about the first two in the following blog:
Today I want to touch on the other 3:
Myth 3: There’s a “Missing Piece”
Are you regularly searching for the “missing piece”? That final piece of the jigsaw? Maybe you want to hit 6-figures and a mentoring programme is the “missing piece”. Maybe you want to lose weight and there’s a new holistic diet that’s the “missing piece”. Maybe you’re looking for a new relationship and that’s the “missing piece”.
There’s a subtle but crucial difference between doing something because it’s fun and enjoyable and doing something because it’s a means to an end.
If you’re doing something because it’s a means to an end, what you’ll probably notice is that the “missing piece” turns out to be a big fat let down – the mentor didn’t deliver, the diet didn’t work, the new relationship didn’t last…
Or the missing piece is a success but a short time later it’s been replaced by another missing piece.
Indeed, the quest for that “missing piece” never ends.
And it results in us constantly striving – feeling frustrated with where we’re at – looking forward to the future at a point in time when we’ll have “made it”.
To avoid falling into the “missing piece” trap a great question to ask is “If I had 18 months to live would I spend my time doing this?”
When we choose to do things that nourish us now – as well as benefit us in the future we experience less frustration and don’t feel stuck as we’re enjoying the journey.
Myth 4: There’s a “right” way and a “wrong” way
I believe the reason we are here, at this moment in time, is to have a unique experience of life.
We’re here to experience the ups, the downs, the highs, the lows.
We’re here to experience success and failure, joy and sorrow.
We’re here to experience life itself.
As the French philosopher, Pierre Teilhard de Chardin said:
“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.”
Each and every one of us experiences life differently.
It’s this very diversity that gives life its richness.
Good cannot exist without bad.
We can only know light because we also know darkness.
We know joy because we’ve experienced pain
Right exists to counterbalance wrong.
If “right” did not exist there could be no “wrong”.
I used to believe there was a “right” way to live life. Everyone else seemed to have it sussed yet I was constantly making wrong choices, doing things wrong, making mistakes, heading down a path and meeting with dead ends, slamming on the brakes, failing to live up to my potential.
I would constantly beat myself up, shouting at myself for what I did or didn’t do, criticising my every choice and my every move.
Getting it “wrong”.
Until I started looking at life differently and shifting my thinking:
What if I couldn’t get it wrong? What if there are no mistakes in life, just the illusion of them?
Instead of seeing my life as a series of right and wrong choices I started to see it as an unfolding story: Melina’s story. And Melina was the heroine in a magical adventure called Melina’s life.
In any good story you must have a hero and you must have a villain. After all, how can a hero do amazing things, fight the evil warlord, win the battle if there’s no opponent, no darkness to overcome?
As I already took 100% responsibility for my life the evil warlord in my story was me – my own stupidity.
I therefore made a conscious decision to look at my choices and actions differently. Whenever I did anything “wrong” I would say to myself “Ok Melina, you were meant to do this – it didn’t work out but what did you learn? How is this serving you?”.
Instead of beating myself up I started having compassion for myself and my “wrong” choices. Over time I noticed myself making less and less “wrong” choices. I started trusting myself more and making better decisions.
So how does all this relate to selling transformation?
When you’re constantly looking for the “right” strategy or the “right” way to do something in your business it’s based on the underlying principle is there’s ONE way to do something – and you must find it or your business will be doomed. Of course, when you take a step back and look at this objectively your wise self knows that this is a nonsense – your wise self knows there are lots of different ways to do pretty much everything.
When you drop the need to make the “right” choice and instead make choices based on your values and what feels aligned to your vision, decision-making becomes easier. You trust yourself more. You don’t feel frustrated when things go “wrong” because you know that’s a part of your business journey. You become lighter and more joyful. And you experience more success.
Myth 5: There are “positive” and “negative” emotions
Right now we are in the middle of a global pandemic. Many countries are on lockdown as governments across the globe are trying to halt the spread of the Coronavirus. Emotions are running amok:
Anxiety, fear, frustration, anger, sadness, helplessness….
Optimistic, hopeful, joyful, excited, peaceful, loving, compassion…..
Our emotions are all over the place – and we are experiencing a huge array of them.
We oscillate between “positive” and “negative” emotions in the space of minutes.
And that is normal. Emotions are what makes us human.
However, from a very young age we learnt that some emotions were acceptable and we were able to express them fully. Others we learnt were “bad” and we were taught not to express them:
“big girls don’t cry”
“don’t be so emotional”
We became adept at squishing emotions down and hiding them away.
We judge those who are in fear or who are “negative”.
Yet today more than ever it’s important to allow ourselves to feel the roller-coaster of emotion.
Emotion is simply Energy in Motion
No one emotion is “positive” or “negative” – it is simply energy flowing through our body.
Today more than ever it’s important to feel but not get caught up in any one emotion – simply to feel and pass through.