I’ve written about judgment before:
And it makes me smile reading back my own words and remembering the struggle I had with writing.
A struggle that went on for several years.
Caused…. by a fear of being judged.
The words I wrote in 2016 are still as relevant today as they were then.
But since then I’ve also learnt to appreciate judgement.
I no longer want to banish it – to send it to centre of the earth never to be seen again.
To stop judging myself and to fight to rid the world of judgement (that really would be a battle I could never win).
And of course rather paradoxically, by judging judgement as being “bad” or “wrong” I myself am passing judgment – the very thing I deem to hate.
Try crossing the road without judgement; or deciding where to go on holiday; or choosing what to purchase for dinner!
Living without judgement would be incredibly challenging.
There are even two different spellings for it, both of which are correct (so I’ve used both in this blog post!)
It’s so common in life to decide “this is good”, I want more of it; this is “bad” I don’t want to experience it ever again!
For me judgment was one of those things I wanted to abolish from my own being. I wanted to stop judging others for their choices, stop judging situations as being “good” or “bad” and to stop judging my own behaviour as being “appropriate” or not.
But in my desire to abolish judgement I stared to notice just how judgemental I was.
I noticed how I judged someone eating a biscuit when she was very overweight, I noticed how I judged her perspective on the world as being too “black and white.”
There I was congratulating myself on how enlightened and compassionate I was – whilst judging someone for being different to me.
In truth I knew nothing about this lady, I knew nothing of her struggles, of her history – all I could see was what was in front of me.
Who was I to judge her and believe myself to be such a saint in comparison?
I’ve never experienced her challenges, so who was I to judge?
Yet judge I did.
It was a wake-up call for me – to show me that I wasn’t a saint, that I hadn’t got my shizzle sorted – that I passed judgement like everyone else.
And the area that I passed the most judgement?
On others who complained about life but did nothing to change it!
And I saw this not only in those who blamed life for their woes – but in conscious beings – people who were saying they wanted change but each time they were offered something that might be helpful there was always a reason why it wouldn’t work.
It would drive me crazy!
My motto is always “how can I accomplish this?”
There has to be a way I can do this with my current life circumstances.
This went on until…
I noticed myself doing the exact same thing. That there were certain areas of my life where I wanted help, was offered a solution but I judged it inappropriate or unsuitable – “not for me”.
Judging! Doing the exact same thing that infuriated me in others!
How did I know something wasn’t for me if I didn’t try it? And even if I’d tried it before, I am very different now – so the results could be vastly different.
And so I came to appreciate the blessing of judgement.
That the areas where I found myself in judgement were in fact shining a light on the areas of my life that still required transformation.
Reminding me that there are two sides to judgement.
Just like we have two sides of our hand – a front and a back.
We cannot remove the front of our hand without the back disappearing.
And in the same vein we cannot remove judgement.
We can simply transform our relationship to it.
And now whenever I notice myself judging I see it as a gift – a gift for me to explore, to dig deeper and see what I’m really judging.
In the example I gave earlier, the lesson for me was that it highlighted my own hypocrisy – that I was still in the middle of my journey – yes indeed I had come a long way, but there was so much further to go.
And not in a way that “I’ll never get there” but in a knowing that I was deepening my own mastery – that by transforming my own life and sharing my insights I am supporting others on their journey – helping them to see their own blind-spots.
So the next time you find yourself in judgement – whether you are judging yourself, another or indeed being judged by another – see it as a gift. Explore what there is to see or learn from this experience.
And do share below – I’d love to hear from you.