It’s the final day of my 30 day blogging challenge.
Yay! I did it!
But as I was on my daily walk I could feel the familiar battle beginning in my head – what should I write about.
The voice that has been quiet over the past 29 days because I always had tomorrow, and the next day which gave me lots of freedom over what to write.
If I didn’t write about something today I could always write about it tomorrow.
But today is the LAST DAY of the challenge – and I still have more than a dozen gifts I could write about.
Which means I must pick the “right” one, the “most meaningful” one – and therefore I fall down the rabbit hole of indecision.
I wrote about this very familiar struggle way back on Day 1:
And I was delighted to discover that over the 30 day challenge the struggle stopped – I simply wrote and shared.
Indeed yesterday I was very proud that I was able to write, edit, upload and share a post in 75 minutes (at the beginning of the blogging challenge one post would take most of the day).
And there was none of the angst – is it good enough, can I post this, what will people think?
I simply wrote, edited, posted and shared.
I have to say it felt great.
But today the old familiar pattern of struggle returned as I wanted to make this post “special” – for it to be mind-blowing in some way.
And as this went back and forth in my head as I was walking the dog, another voice appeared and reminding me to TRUST.
Trust that whatever gift I choose to write about will be the perfect one.
Trust that whatever flows from my fingers is what someone needs to read today.
Trust that people ARE indeed reading my blog posts – and benefitting from them in ways I might never know.
Trust that my style of writing is needed in the world right now.
Trust in my ability to trust.
A few years ago I didn’t really trust – I was a bit wary of life – and I certainly didn’t trust myself.
I would move in one direction – and wish I hadn’t.
I’d make a choice and regret it a little while later.
I would question everything – should I do this, should I do that?
In fact I noticed a little bit of “should I” creeping into my journaling over the past few weeks.
But the truth is we can never know the outcome of anything until it happens.
We can agonise for days or weeks over which decision to make but we’ll never know for certain which is the “right” one until we make it.
However when we trust we’ll always make the right choice – regardless of the outcome – it makes decision making a whole lot easier.
But how do you develop trust?
By breathing deeply, and stepping courageously forward with the things that fill your heart with joy.
And by focussing on what you do trust.
The most basic of things:
Like trusting yourself to boil a kettle to make a cup of tea.
Trusting yourself to get dressed in the morning.
Trusting yourself to drive to work.
Until we became experienced in all of these we didn’t trust ourselves to do them. Some we learned when we were so young we’ve forgotten we didn’t trust we could do it once.
It’s like everything in life (including our business) – each time we do something new we have no idea how it will turn out – and that’s often when our fears come up – can I do it, what will people say?
But if we trust that life has our back whatever the outcome, it gives us confidence.
So we can take that next step – no matter how scary it feels.
Often the greatest discoveries come about due to an error – due to taking a “wrong” turn.
Or we make a “mistake” which actually turns out to be the best thing that ever happened.
If we always step forward in love and faith and make the best decision we can with the knowledge we have at the time – then we have no reason to beat ourselves up if that choice leads us down a path we didn’t expect (this lesson took me a little while to learn!)
If we don’t like the path we find ourselves on, yet we trust it is part of our life story and will support us in some way in the future, we will be able to traverse that path more easily and much more peacefully.
When I think back to all the stupid things I did – the regrets and the mental bashings I gave myself neither made me feel better – nor had me alter my ways.
But when I looked at those experiences through the eyes of trust, that what I experienced was meant to happen and be part of my life journey – I noticed myself making different choices and doing a lot less stupid things.
Trust is crucial.
If we don’t trust life – we will always live in fear of something terrible happening.
If we don’t trust ourselves we will agonise over every decision and regret the decisions we did make.
And as you start to trust you will find that trust will expand and grow.
Trust the little things, the things you can count on.
Trust your decisions.
Trust that the sun will rise tomorrow.
Trust that there will be food on the table.
Trust that your needs will be met.
And watch that trust expand and grow.
And when the fears come up (for example “this is a rubbish blog post”) simply notice them and step forward anyway. Connect back to the part of you that trusted way back when you made the decision and was excited (so for me it’s to publish and share this post regardless of what I think of it).
Where in your life do you need to trust more?
What can you count on?
Do share below.