Holding Space

“Holding Space” was not the topic I intended writing about when I sat down this morning! And indeed like all my writing this email has meandered and changed course several times prior to it appearing here!

Over the past few months (probably the past few years if I’m honest), I have been exploring the difference between being and doing.

Having been blessed to have done transformational work for 14 years – I am very aware that being is everything – although it’s easy to forget this in our busy world where so much of our energy and attention goes on doing!

And of course, being and “holding space” go hand-in-hand.

When I was first introduced to the concept of “holding space” it sounded like an alien language!

I didn’t get it at all (in fact I probably thought those that uttered it were slightly strange – but I was far too polite to even think that – let alone express it !)

My first experience was assisting at a transformational event thirteen and a half years ago. “The space” and the “energy in the room” got talked about a LOT.

I hadn’t a clue what it meant!

So I just got on and did what I was there to do.

Then ….

I needed to go into the room where all the participants were – the room where all this “energy” was emanating from – and so I was standing outside waiting for an appropriate moment to enter.

And suddenly I felt it!

Through the closed doors!

It was like this bizarre wave that came from the room and washed over me. In an instant, I got it. I now knew what they were talking about!

I couldn’t put into words what I felt – it was weird but very powerful – and looking back I can see that it opened up something within me.

Since that moment, I’ve had lots of experiences of working with energy – initially through participating and assisting at transformational retreats – and later using these gifts working with clients.

However, despite all my experience, I never really knew what “holding space” meant – at least not consciously – until 2 years ago.

In fact it was 2 years ago almost to the day!

I had taken on the role of “Production Manager” for a Transformational Retreat called “On Leadership”.

This was a voluntary role whereby I supported the facilitator leading the retreat, enrolled assistants (who were also volunteers) and supported the participants by ensuring the event ran smoothly.

It’s a big job and something I’d avoided in the past – apart from once in 2007 – an experience I never wanted to repeat!

So when I heard myself saying yes to being Production Manager 9 years later I laughed in disbelief. Although of course, I’d transformed a LOT in 9 years so my experience was VERY different.

This time it was incredibly beautiful and one I’m truly grateful for.

And the biggest role of Production Manager is “holding the space”.

Looking back I can see why my previous experience had been so horrendous because I was very un-grounded and “all over the place” (not to mention 8 months pregnant) – but that’s a whole other story!)

However even though I knew my main role was to “hold the space” I still didn’t really know what that meant.

Until Day 2 when the facilitator asked me:

“Have you noticed how calm it is?”

I had – it was surprisingly calm (normally these retreats can by quite fraught behind the scenes.)

He then looked me in the eye and said “that’s you.”

The look on my face must have been one of utter disbelief because he then followed up with “I have been facilitating these programmes for a long time and I know what I’m talking about”

I’m not sure even then I totally believed him but I felt immensely proud – a testament to how far I’d come.

The following day I experienced the truth in his words.

As part of the retreat there was some video work – and this was what I was most afraid of “messing up” because I’m not the greatest technically – and it was really important to get this part right.

I became anxious and concerned and started worrying about all the things that might go wrong.

My calm, serene energy present the previous day was gone!

And things were starting to go wrong elsewhere! Other people were getting anxious and making mistakes.

In that moment I witnessed how my being was impacting others.

Not my doing (I was doing the exact same thing I had been doing the day before).

It was huge!

I experienced exactly what “holding space” was!

But this was just too weird, I felt I needed to keep this gift hidden – it was too woo, woo – too “out there!”

But in doing so everyone misses out. I miss out on doing the work I most love to do – and others miss out on being held in a sacred space as they walk their own path of transformation.

No more. Time to own the magic I bring.

Watch this space!