Trying to be super-human means we have less time to do the things we love

It is a beautiful spring day in Shropshire and I have opened the French doors which lead onto our front garden and I’m enjoying a lovely cup of tea whilst writing to you.

Feeling very blessed that I am able to sit down, relaxed and at ease, feeling the gentle breeze on my skin, listening to the birds singing their little hearts out, watching the bees searching for food, and doing something I love.

It’s also something I don’t take for granted because there was a time I wouldn’t have been able to enjoy this beautiful moment.

I didn’t have time to simply be and delight in my surroundings, because I was focussed on trying to fix all the things that were causing me frustration and angst.

Constantly telling myself to get my act together and sort myself out – screaming at myself to get on with things instead of procrastinating.

I worked sooooooooo hard trying to become the person I thought I should be.

What I didn’t realise was that by doing so I was shifting further and further away from the person I actually was.

I, like so many, believed that becoming the best version of me was the key to happiness, freedom and fulfilment.

Whereas in reality it was a path to pain and frustration, because, my vision of who I should be was of someone who was super human.

For example the best version of me:

• was always on time

• went to bed early and got up at the crack of dawn

• had oodles of energy

• was kind and considerate to everyone around her

• gave selflessly

• nurtured and took care of herself – and others

• was an awesome mother and a wonderful wife

• was a brilliant coach and mentor and every single client raved about her

• was never judgemental

• valued herself and her gifts

• cooked healthy and wholesome meals for her family (which they all enjoyed)

• worked hard and played hard

• meditated daily

• exercised daily and drank 2 litres of water each and every day

• did everything she needed to do and did it in a timely manner

• always had time and space for others

• was unique and contributed greatly to the world

• etc, etc …

For me, sitting peacefully enjoying the moment was impossible because I was too busy beating myself up for not being who I thought I should be.

And, if I am brutally honest with myself, if I actually did become this super-human who was picture-perfect in every way I’d judge her harshly – because in my eyes she wouldn’t be real – she couldn’t be.

In reality life is messy (beautifully messy as my mentor often says.)

You see, the vision I had of myself was a bit like a show home where everything’s perfect but where there’s no heart and soul.

Or like a manicured garden where everything is pristine, and beautifully presented but oh so twee (nothing wrong with twee – it’s just not me!)

As I look out on my garden now, I see daffodils and tulips dancing in the breeze, and right behind there are nettles vigorously scrambling to take over (weeds have already taking over the gravel.)  I see a lawn which looks lush and green but is actually more moss than grass!

And in my perfect world I had a vision of a gorgeous cottage garden filled with flowers and butterflies.  In reality my borders are filled with low maintenance shrubs (and some are VERY ugly.)

Of course, I could plant the beautiful flowers of my vision, but I don’t have time – at least that’s what I used to tell myself.

Or, I could pay a gardener to do it for me – but I don’t have the money (that’s what I also used to tell myself).

Not enough time, not enough money (sound familiar?)

But as I dug deeper and looked honestly at my relationship with time (and money), I discovered that I didn’t really enjoy gardening much.  It was a chore.  I wanted the beautiful garden but I didn’t want to spend 10 hours a week gardening.

Nor did I want to spend £150 a week to have someone do it for me.

In truth it wasn’t that I didn’t have the time or the money – it was because I preferred to spend my time and money elsewhere.

All too often we believe our lies and illusions which justify why we can’t do the things we want to do.

When the truth is – we can do it, but to do so we’d have to give up something else that is actually more important to us.

And when we see this – the lies and illusions drop away giving us more time to enjoy what we really love.

And it probably looks very different to the vision we have in our head!